?

Log in

Handy · Dandy · Journal · of · Me

Recent Entries · Archive · Friends · Profile

* * *
I suppose it's been quite some time. I just got home on the 20th, which kind of sucked, but I guess it happens to everyone at one point. Finals was kind of rough but I still managed to have some fun with my friends as well. Is it sad that I miss my college friends already? I'm glad to be home and around my home friends, but I really miss them. It's only been 3 days since I left. Already I'm really looking forward to going back. This next semester I'm actually really looking forward to my classes & I can't wait to see everyone again...haha. I'm ridiculous. I'm planning to meet up with Anthony and Antonia in NYC on the 2nd, so I don't know why I'm so anxious. That's only a little over a week away. And I really am glad to be home. I've missed Holly & Jenn & my other friends terribly, not to mention my mom & sister. I just get bored so easily here. There's so much less to do here than down at school and people are much less accessible.

Today was fun though. I went to church with the family. We were later than usual so we sat in the back. It was the Christmas pagent today and it was adorable. Then our family, Lori & Becky and Michael, Heather, Jenn, Mika & Heather's & Jenn's mom went out to Friendly's. And then we went Christmas caroling to shut-ins with other church members. It was actually really nice. Then we had a family dinner of homemade pizza. I realize that this sounds very quaint. And now I'm watching Will & Grace. All in all, it's been a great day. Christmas eve, on the other hand, will be interesting. Probably overall, it will be a good day, but there will definitely be bumps. Like not knowing exactly who's going to be at the services and whether or not I can just pretend they're not there, they're angry with me, or we pretend that everything's just peachy. I am a personal fan of option number one, but we'll see what happens. Until then, I think I'll call it a night. I'm wiped out. Later.
Current Location:
Couch
Current Mood:
cheerful cheerful
* * *
Today started out so good. It was better than good actually...nothing spectacular happened, but I was just in a good mood. And now...and now I don't know what's wrong. This is so stupid. Sometimes I wish I just weren't me. I'm paranoid right now, that's what's wrong. I'm ridiculously paranoid. The little horror fantasies playing themselves out in my head are just that...they aren't real and have a minute possibility of coming into reality. My reason knows this, however, it must not be talking to the rest of my mind. I take things way too personally. I'm really self-centered when you think about it. All these things revolve around me & things I did, as if that's people's only motivation. I make myself sick. Why do I always make it about myself? Well, that's not completely true. It's only about me when it's something bad. Good things - external attributes; bad things - internal attributes. Haha...listen to the crazy girl's psycho-babble. I HATE this. I just want to be home.

Sorry that my first entry in 3 months is so unhappy. I guess I only write to get through the bad. I don't need therapy for the good.
Current Location:
Bed
Current Mood:
melancholy melancholy
* * *
I've been doing a big, fat nothing this summer. I haven't done squat this summer. There have been fun little things along the way, that's very clear, but nothing crazy cool. Jenn went to Japan for five weeks. Kaylyn has been volunteering at a place that's geared towards what she actually wants to do for a career. I've been working for Lake Compounce and can barely keep my days straight. Blech.

Only about a month till I go back to school. You have no idea how much I'm looking forward to that. Naturally, I'm going to miss my friends here, but seriously, it's increasingly hard to live with my parents. I'm starting to get easily agitated with them and that is not good. Plus, this year is just looking like it's going to be a lot of fun. I'm a little ticked that two of my classes still don't have what books I need posted. Not cool in the least.

Speaking of books, I absolutely adore the Book Barn. I got some really good books for really cheap. Naturally, there's less-than-great literature there (they have about three separate, equally massive trashy novel sections), but there are also some really great books. I got Bless Me, Ultima; The Color Purple and some other really interesting books. I can't wait to read them.

I'm really looking forward to Margaritaville. My coworkers this year are pretty awesome (or absolutely awful, but I'm only talking about the ones I like). Last year I never hung out with coworkers outside of work. This year, I talk to two coworkers on-line constantly and a bunch of us have hung out several times. I think I like this year better. :)

Despite the two-hour nap I took until 8, I think I'm going to go to bed. Later
Current Location:
Couch
Current Mood:
complacent complacent
* * *
I love that just when I think I'm stuck spending another night in the house, my friends miraculously come through, even if it is only to go to Tacobell, sit and talk for forever. :) Some of my best stories come from the random and unplanned events...actually most of them. Even if at the time I was screaming at one of my friends to cut it out. Haha. I love this summer. Even without having a vacation, I think it's one of the best that I've had thus far. Hopefully it'll finish as strongly as it started. I don't have much else to talk about. My head hurts a bit...I think it's from the humidity. I'm tired & I saw lightening on the way home.

I have work in the morning & I'm actually looking forward to it. Haha...something is very wrong. Later.

Current Location:
Couch
Current Mood:
giddy giddy
* * *
I guess it's been a while. Really, it's only been two weeks, which for me isn't that bad. However, a lot has happened in those two weeks. Probably the most important are as follows: I went to a coworker party, I went to the beach Tuesday night and I'm becoming very paranoid.

First things first, the coworker party. Erika was kind enough to host a get-together this past saturday at her house. I also had Becky S.'s grad party that day. So, I spent a lot of time at Becky's and headed out to Erika's around 9, arriving at 9:30. I played my very first game of beer pong...I was pretty awful at it. Luckily, we won first game b/c the other team was worse. Haha...second game we lost quickly. By then Kathryn had arrived with more alcohol. One thing I've realized from this whole experience - alcohol brings people together because they embarass the hell out of themselves. It was a lot of fun, don't get me wrong, but some present got really bad. I know at least one person regrets it. I think the general consensus is that we should do it again soon...just not too soon. Haha. A skank night is also being planned, which I'm kind of excited for. The way I see it is it'll either be really fun or we'll have awesomely awkward stories to share because of it.

I'm beginning to realize just how crazy my friends really are. Tuesday evening I went with Holly over Nicole's to go swimming with them and Scott and Adam. After swimming for maybe half an hour, Holly decides that she wants to go to the beach - Scott says he knows a place that we can go. So what do we do? We leave to go to the beach at nearly 10 p.m. Haha...stupid, stupid, stupid, but oh so much fun. :) After a 45 minute ride, and parking illegally we finally get to the beach and Holly, Nicole and I get in the water. Adam & Scott run back to the car to get something. While they're gone, we hear people - some kids decided that they wanted to play basketball this evening and it just so happens that the parking lot for the beach has some hoops. Yeeaah, about that...did I mention that the three of us were not fully clothed? Haha...in retrospect it was hilarious, but in the moment I was pissed as hell, especially since Adam came back and was not much help because he was too busy laughing. The boys with the basketball came over rather quickly once they realized what was up and it took a while before they went away. I was rather mortified...although I suppose there was really no reason to be. Those kids will never see us again. But yeah, my friends are crazy and they make me crazy.

Now on to the last bit. I'm paranoid and I dislike it. I keep getting the feeling that one of my coworkers likes me. It's irrational since there has been nothing overt to suggest this and he has a girlfriend, but it's still there. And I've been having these paranoid fantasies (I hate to use the word fantasies because I'm deriving no pleasure from them, but there really isn't another apt word) that he trys to make a move and I freak out because I really don't know what I'd do if I weren't paranoid but rather, just extremely intuitive. I hope I'm paranoid. I think I'm paranoid. I've got to be paranoid, right? How does one cure paranoia? Clue me in please. Thanks. Later.
Current Location:
Couch
Current Mood:
Tense
* * *
* * *
Today was mind-numbingly boring. Life at home without Holly sucks. I thought about calling people, but I had no car and I didn't want to make anyone drive over to pick me up. I suppose it's my own fault. It wasn't all bad though; I went with my sister to drop off cake at the soup kitchen where church members were preparing to serve dinner. Haha...I suppose it's not much, but at least I got to be out of the house briefly.

Yesterday was fun though. I went and hung out with Jenn for a while. We were planning to meet up with Kaylyn, Matt and Sue for dinner and we left early. Well, that didn't end so well. My dad's car stalled out at a light. It would start but pressing the gas did absolutely nothing. It blew!! Luckily, I got a hold of my mom and she and dad came down to help me out and my mom brought me and Jenn over to the restaurant....where we sat for over a half hour waiting. Finally, Kaylyn, Matt and Kelli arrived (apparently Kay forgot to mention that Sue couldn't come and that she'd finally got a hold of Kelli) and we went in. It was this place I've never heard of before, Japanica and I was a little worried that it would be tacky, but it was actually pretty cool, and their sushi was kick-ass. Afterward, we tried to go to the movies to see Pirates III, but it was too late, so we came back to my house and searched youtube for clips from "So You Think You Can Dance".

Tomorrow may be boring too, but Thursday, Friday and Saturday will be fun. On Thursday I'm going to my friend's graduation and then Friday and Saturday are Relay for Life, which I'm totally stoked for. :) And then next week, I'll pretty much be working regularly. I can't believe it's June already. Summer's going to go too fast. Blech. Well, I'm watching a stupid movie on t.v. and after that I think I"m going to sleep. Later.
Current Location:
Recliner
Current Mood:
bored bored
* * *
This week was super full of activities and events. It seems as though last Friday was an eternity ago. It's not as though anything ground-breaking has happened, but dynamics have definitely changed. Granted, dynamics between friends are always changing but the changes this week have been less subtle than usual. Plus, I realized that because of college, a majority of my time MUST be spent around people. If I'm not around people for too long (approximately a half-day or longer) I begin to feel depressed and approach paranoia. Haha. It's pretty bad.

I think I have my crush for the summer. We work together and he's adorable. We've flirted a bit, but it's more coworker flirting than interest flirting. It probably wont amount to much, but I now have eye candy and something to look forward to at work. :) It makes me happy and that's what matters. I like having crushes. They're a lot of fun even though mine don't amount to much (generally speaking). I really don't mind though. Crushes are the most fun because the object of the crush is perfect in your mind. If you move past the point of crush into dating and a potential relationship, whoever the object of the crush is can no longer be perfect. You get to know him/her and in so doing, learn their faults. Either you can get past them or you can't but believing that the person is perfect is the most fun stage of the whole relationship process in my opinion.

I have work tomorrow morning. I don't know whether I'm looking forward to it or not. On one hand, I'll be around people and I like being around people. However, on the other, I'll have to count money and my hand still hasn't recovered from counting money today. Even as I type it's cramping up on me and I haven't been typing or even on the computer that much today. Ah, well, I think I'm sort of looking forward to work because I will be getting paid for it and I could use all the money I could get. And on that note, I think I'm going to turn in early so I run a low risk of oversleeping - especially since mom's away for the weekend so if I oversleep, I'll just be screwed. Later.
Current Location:
Bed
Current Mood:
cheerful cheerful
Current Music:
Disenchanted Lullaby by Foo Fighters
* * *
Today was a bitch and a half. Last night my friend had a party and I didn't get home until about one in the morning...which wouldn't have been so bad if I didn't have to get up at 6:45 the same morning to be to work by 8 am. On top of that, I was counting retail and gate revenue and there was a ton of it. There was over 60,000 in bills and another 30,000 in checks. Needless to say, by the time I started combining it was nearly the end of my shift. And, of course, it being just my luck, I didn't balance so I probably spent another forty-five minutes at least trying to figure out where, amid the $90,000, I had screwed up. Thanks to some help from Meghan, one of the A.C.'s I found the large amount of where I was off, but when I was done I was over by exactly $20. I figure that that's because there were a lot of new 20's and they like to stick together. I probably miscounted a slip because two 20's stuck together when I verified and then when I combined and sent them through the counter they separated. SO, after all the stress of trying to figure out how I screwed up, I will probably still get written up for not balancing, or at the very least, for having to get a coach help me figure it out. HA!

Then, just to top of the day, when I got home and went up to my room to change, the cat had pissed on my floor. Yup, today was a winner. Luckily, it's almost over and I don't have to go back to work until Thursday. On a side note, everyone and their mom works at Lake Compounce I swear to God! Today I saw Tim on my way out - he's in public service. I kind of wonder if he recognized me although I don't think I've changed that much. Still, it never ceases to amaze me at how many people work at the Lake whom I knew before working there. Ah, well, whatever. It's convenient and one could do worse. I'm done. Later.
Current Location:
Couch
Current Mood:
exhausted exhausted
* * *
I have no idea why but 11:30 seems extremely late tonight. It's strange because the other night 2:00 a.m. felt early. And now I'm watching Will and Grace and wondering why, why, why. I'm tired and unwilling to go to bed. Yesterday, I went with Kaylyn up to Nicole's house to see the baby flying squirrels that her brother brought home and that she's now taking care of. They were absolutely adorable!! They were so little they still didn't have their eyes open. And I had fun hanging out with Kay and Nicole. We talked a lot and went to Rita's. I've missed my friends so much. It's so nice to be back with people that know all my faults and don't care.

While we were hanging out, we decided that we should plan little outings to different places. I hope we actually follow through because it would be a ton of fun. I'm so excited because Jenn'll be coming home tomorrow and a bunch of us are planning to go to the high school concert on Thursday. It'll be fun because we'll probably hang out afterward. I can't think of much to write about so I think I'll call it a night. Later.
Current Location:
Recliner
Current Mood:
complacent complacent
* * *
Today was a pretty fun day. My friend Becky was around town today so we went and got lunch together and then went to Mandee's because she had a gift card she wanted to use. It was really nice because it's the first time I've seen her in over a month and the first time in a long time that we've actually had a chance to catch up on everything. She got hired at the Lake, so I'll be seeing her plenty this summer.

That storm today was something else. Of course, it came sweeping through not long before I had to go to the Lake for orientation. I was definitely not happy about that, but it started to lighten up before I actually left. It was a huge group of people, something like 90 people supposedly. Luckily, I ended up meeting with a really nice girl because I mentioned studying abroad in China and she had just done that during the fall semester. It was nice to have someone to role my eyes at when our "educators" said something less-than-intelligent or repetitive. Haha. Fun! I'm going back tomorrow for my first day. Now that I'm actually going back, I'm not really looking forward to it. I suppose the grass is always greener on the other side.

Jay Leno is in no way funny. But that's what dad's watching until the t.v. shuts off (because we always put it on sleep because if we just turn it off, it turns back on...supposedly). He's an ugly,un-funny man. How the hell did he get a t.v. show? It baffles me. So, I think I'll leave the room and go to bed. Later
Current Location:
Recliner
Current Mood:
okay okay
* * *
* * *

Previous